I have been attacked, but God...

And so our off again-on again relationship continues. I just can't seem to commit to writing on a regular basis. It's quite sad. And I'm sorry. I know I said this last time, but I will do better. Definitely not everyday...let's start slow and say I'll post once every two weeks. I think that is doable.

So yeah. Lots going on in my life, in my head, and in my heart. Oh where to begin? How about a list:

1. I have been blindsided by crippling insecurity issues. For the past two weeks or so I have been feeling like I used to feel back in middle and high school--ugly and like no guy would ever be attracted to me. WHAT IS THAT? Ugh. I'm sick of it. I am a grown woman and grown woman are secure...right? Well the Lord spoke to me and let me know that this is a straight up attack from the enemy. And I totally feel that. It feels very oppressive and overwhelming. And it makes so much sense...lately I've been talking to my middle and high school girls about value and beauty and rising above what the media says and in the midst of that I have been dealing with those very issues. For me this is a wake-up call--I thought I was 100% secure in Jesus, but I'm not and I refuse to stay in this place. So i'm praying about this and digging deep and reflecting on the Word and being more vigilant about what thoughts I let float around in my head.

2. My digestive system has been outta whack lately. It's like every time I eat, I feel weird which is a tragedy for me cuz I enjoy food so much. And so I am gonna try and detox my system by restricting my diet. The plan is to drink lots of Naked Juice and only eat fruits and veggies. So far today drank 16oz. of Naked Juice and ate a salad for lunch. I ate some rice in between those things and tonight I agreed to go to Champps with a friend and order nachos....so yeah. I'm not there yet. But it's a start....

3. Maybe this insecurity issues means I'm not as ready for a rel.ship as I thought I was :-/

4. Celebrities need prayer. Too many times Christians (myself included) sit around and talk about famous people and how crazy/egocentric/weird/sinful/stupid they are. And then we get smug becuase we aren't like that or at least we think we aren't. How sad. God used this whole Kanye fiasco to convict me and to remind me that I need to be praying for people in the limelight rather than dissecting their moral failings. A lot of time we help contribute to the issues these people have becuz we are so obsessed with them. And what does that say of us?

4. God answers prayer. No one can ever convince me otherwise. He hears us and then He answers. Often times in ways that are different than what we expected, but better than we could have every imagined. Case in point: becuz finances are tight I have been praying this way, "Lord please stretch my money. Make my dollar go farther than the average dollar. Make it so that my money doesn't even spend. Lord, stuff that I usually have to pay for, give it to me for free. Give me discounts on things that I usually pay full price for. Amen" When I first started praying this..it was kinda feeble and I didn't really see how God could do it, but the faith behind it grew stronger. And I love how God works becuz he is using people in my life to bring about the answer to this prayer. Here are some examples:
-one weekend when I was running low on food, my coworker and her husband invited me over for lunch.
-my coworker just walked into my office and gave me some jewelery she doesn't wear anymore.
-a friend of mine gave me a bag of clothes that she can't fit anymore. From that stash I got a nice formal outfit, a tan blazer, a gray skirt, and gray dress pants---all for FREE!!
-another of my friends has treated me to like three meals over the past few week.
See! I stand back in awe of how God provides for me. How can I ever doubt Him when He comes thru every single time!

5. My family. We still have issues. But God...

Well I'm writing this at work and I officially feel bad so I'm going to cut this short and pick it up again later. It's been fun.