Church today was crazy good. The sermon hit me right in the gut and worship was a little slice of what I imagine heaven will be like. Pastor Andy talked about getting to a place where nothing matters more than knowing God...where your possessions, accomplishments, relationships are trash compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Jesus Christ. He also reminded us that the same power that raised Jesus from the dead is alive in us! And that if we want the power of resurrection in our lives we have to embrace the suffering that comes before it just like Jesus. Really when i think about the way Jesus went to the cross I am awestruck. His whole life He knew that the cross was inevitable, but when the time came He took it like a soldier cuz He knew what was on the other side. And MAN..........I cannot even wrap my mind around the joy he musta felt when He got up outta the tomb and He knew that the cross was behind Him never to be seen again. Whew!! I want to approach life like that. To march toward the hard thing.....to stare pain and suffering dead in the face and then come out on the other side. It scares me and thrills me all at the same time. I wanna be a soldier like Jesus was. Now the prelude to this awesome word was the song that was sung during offering. This guest worship leader from Fayetteville came and he truly ushered in the presence of God. The words of the song were powerful, and seeing a grown man truly pour out himself in worship like that was....wow. During those brief moments as we sung about presenting ourselves to God and letting Him have His way in us there was like a breaking that happenend inside of me. All I could do was scream "yes" and raise my hands to God. I am truly blessed to be a part of WOCC. God is always moving in that place.
I spent this last week on vaca. I went to NYC for a few days, had a day and a half of just chillin at home, and then I spent a day at the beach. I prolly coulda used another day or two at the beach, but I honestly think I am ready to get back to work. God is really moving within the HOPE Program and I am excited to jump back in. I think this vaca came at just the right time becasue I am about to jump into a stretch of three weeks where I have lots of presentations and work to get done.
So what has God been doing in my life? Well, He's been doing a whole lot. It's too much to recount at length, but I think a list will suffice. Here goes:
1. God has really been shattering my insecurity. I am beginning to see myself in a whole new way. I feel attractive. I like my body. I don't feel this pressue to perform perfectly on my job all the time. I feel freedom because I know that God created me to reach some people, not all people and so when some kids dont' respond to me, it's not because there's something wrong with me. I am much more willing to ask for help and input when it comes to HOPE. The anxiety of insecuity is no longer weighing on me like it once did. Praise God!
2. God has brought someone in my life who is dealing with insecurity issues and is always calling me to talk about her problems. I feel as tho God really showed me the root of her guy issues and because it is something that I have struggled with and that I am finally experiencing victory in, God can really use me to invest in her life.
3. I wanna do a 6 month commitment to the Lord. This was suggested by an author whose book we are reading in Chapter & Verse. Her suggestion came right at the time when I was feeling a deep longing to connect with the Lord in a deeper way and really pursue him more passionately. Now I am excited as I think about this time of really digging in and spending quality time with God. I want to start on May 1st.
4. Listening to some Mark Driscoll sermons lately on the book of Galatians. In reading that book and hearing his sermons, God has really exposed my judgementalness and legalism and He has really begun to break those things off of me. It's great!! I really am learning how to look on people with love rather than judgement. I am learning that the cure for legalism is really just loving Jesus. When I am head over heels for the Lord I will do whatever it takes to please Him no questions asked. It won't be a matter of making rules to keep myself in check or to have this standard of holiness that I have created. No. When I love Him the way the Bible talks about love, there is a radical freedom because obedience will just flow...which takes me to the next point....
5. Really it's all about loving Jesus. Being crazy, passionately, head over heels, out of my mind in love with Jesus Christ. Cuz when I love Him like that I'll do what it takes to know Him better. And when I love Him like that He becoomes the center of everything in my life. Cuz when I love Him like that nothing else really matters. And when I love Jesus with that kinda love, I will do all I can to point people to Him. It won't be about ministering to people with the goal of changing them from the outside in. It will be about ministeting to people with the goal of pointing them toward Jesus and helping them love Him more. Cuz when that happens everything else is transformed.
6. I don't feel so bad about wanting to look bette anymore. My friend Keke helped me with that. As a person who is bascially letting everyone know that she is a virgin, I need to come correct. I need to present myself in a way that proves that God's way is the best. How can I go around looking a mess telling teenagers that I'm a virgin and it's the best choice for the future. They're gonna be like of course she's a virgin....ain't nobody trying to get with her. Really though...I want to present myself in such a way that shows that when you follow God's plan it benefits you...it helps you....it makes you better not worse. I want young guys to see that if they want a high caliber woman they hafta step up and be men of character. I want young girls to see that being a virgin or abstaining from sex actually makes you more attractive and respectable, not less so.
7. My $$ seems to be stretching farther. I've been getting free meals. Today I got the sermon CD for free. I've been able to save which is something I haven't done in a while. I've been getting discounts. It's like my $$ is doing more than I expected it to do and in some cases it's not even having to be used. Praise God!!
Oh my...I could write for hours, but I have to go do my hair. I hope to do keep up with this journaling thing more regularly. I definitely need it. Good nite :-)
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