So my birthday is 2morrow. I will be 23. That is a weird number to me. You know I have a thing with odd numbers. And besides that I can't ascribe a cool saying or a great milestone to it. For example...at 20 I was no longer a teenager, at 21 I was legal, at 22 I went around saying I'm the double deuce....but 23....what do you have for that? I know this sounds really negative, but I don't mean it to be....it's just a thought I had.....
But really tho, I'm not really a big birthday person. And I don't know why. I wonder is it like a catch-22: is it because i'm not a birthday person that people don't make a big deal of it or is it becasue people don't make a big deal of it that i'm not a birthday person. Hmmm I honestly can't figure that one out.
I'm a really introspective person so things like a new year or a birthday or an anniversary always send me into this deep reflection mode. The other night as I laid in bed thinking about my impending day of birth I became overwhelmed with the scary feeling that my life is boring and mundane because I'm not putting forth the effort needed to make things happen. I have all these lofty goals and personal things I want to see happen, but none of them have come to fruition. That's nobody's fault but my own. And I was like "oh no I'm in my 20's and they are definitely not roaring." There is a litany of things I want to see in my life, but they are still on the list of want to rather than the list of already done. For the longest I've said I want to learn how to do makeup. Have I done it? No. For the longest I've been saying I want to get more involved in active ministry at WOCC? Have I done it? No. For the longest I've been saying I need to start a teeth whitening regimine. Have I done it? Not at all. I want to volunteer. I want to travel. I want to so many things, but what have I done to set things in motion and go after what I want. Nothing.
Not to say that 22 wasn't great because it was. I praise God for the growth and change I've seen in my life. I have learned to trust God in an all or nothing I have no other choice kind of way. I've learned that I am engaged in a spiritual battle everyday of my life and I must fight back. I must remember who my real enemy is and be prepared for war. I have seen the hand of God in my family like never before. I have learned how to listen even more closely to that still small voice of the Holy Spirit. I've been able to look back and see how God prepared me for certain moments and situations b4 they came. I more sensitive to sin in my life. My desire for a godly rel.ship and a husband and a family have flourished dramatically. I could go on and on.
But even with all that I have the kind of personality where I tend to focus more on the things that went wrong and the things that could be improved. I hate complacency and I hate being stagnant and I always feel like I need to be working on something. There is always some trait, some goal, some area in my life that could be worked on. Sometimes I think this is a great perspective and attitude to have because it keeps me on my toes and then other times I think...."Really tho...you need to stop being so uptight and just live girl." Balance is the key and as you can see the Lord is still working that out in me. I am still under construction. He began a good work in me and He will perfect it until the day of Jesus Christ.
Anyway, I'm believing and declaring right now that 23 will be better than 22. That more than anything I will experience a deeper more intimate rel.ship with my Jesus. At 23 I will be a better servant. 23 will be adventurous. 23 will be the end of my residence in a place called "my comfort zone." No more of that. 23 will see amazing things happen in my family and on my job. Dare I say it...23 will see the blossoming of a new rel.ship. I am not at all unahappy in my singleness, but while I enjoy this season I always eagerly anticipate the joys and challenges of the next. God is preparing me (and him) for something greater than ourselves. At 23 I will pray more fervently for my husband, for our rel.ship, for our marriage, for our sex life, for our children, for our everything. I once heard it said that prayer should be a pre-emptive strike. That's how my parents prayed for me and so that is how I will pray for my family as well.
Well I'm tired and no telling when my computer will cut off without warning so I better go. Happy Birthday to me :-)
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