Today after prayer at WOCC I decided that I wanted a really good breakfast, but I didn't want to cook it. My first thought was to get a chicken biscuit from Chick-fil-A, but halfway there the desire for McDonald's pankcakes came over me and the chicken biscuit was quickly forgotten. I got a stack of 3 "hot cakes" for $2.18!!! And oh the smell....as soon I started to drive off from the window, the smell of the the heavenly pancakes started to fill my car and this is slightly embarrassing to admit, but I almost couldn't take it. Like seriously, I wanted to pull over and devour them on the side of the road. I kept thinking how fast can I get home and inhale these. Oh the aroma of McDonald's will not soon be forgotten. I have come to the conclusion that it is one of my favorite smells of all time. I remember thinking as I drove up to my apartment: These pancakes are a gift from God :-) Yeah, seriously that's how much I fell in love with the smell. They tasted really good too, but not nearly as good as they smelled :-)
One of my favorite things about being a Christian is being witness to the moving of the Holy Spirit in a group of believers. Take prayer for example. I had prayer with my roommates Monday night and then with the CV ladies Thursday night. And I find that oftentimes duirng these times I will have a feeling in my heart or a desire to pray for something, but before I do somebody else prays the exact same thing. Other times somebody will pray and addresses something in my life that I totally didn't even mention. Recently at KPIC all night prayer I paired up with a young lady at the suggestion of the minister leading the event and we prayed for each other. We didn't talk beforehand, we just started praying. And I was awestruck as I listened to her prayer...it was definitely Spirit led prayer as she mentioned my heart for purity and she prayed for my words when I speak in front of people. She only found out what I did for a living AFTER we finished praying. Another thing that I am ecstatic about is when God births a vision or a passion for something in several different people at the same time. I know for a fact that God is birthing in me a heart for a Durham and a desire to see this city, esp. the young people, overtaken by God...it's like a sense I have that God wants to do a powerful work here that will require fervent, effective prayer. In talking to my roommate she has the same sense. And so does one of the ladies that attends Tuesday morning prayer at Reality. And so does this lady Mimi mentioned to me on Friday. This "desire for Durham" is a collective vision/burden/passion and it's been spurred by God alone....
Today Pastor Nate spoke on this verse: I am fully persuaded that what God has promised He is also able to perform. That Scripture resonated within me and I immediately wrote it down and started saying it to myself. From now on I will face life being fully persuaded that what my God has promised to me He is also able to perform it. This verse reminded me of the other night during CV prayer how I really felt as though I encountered the presence of God. Why? Because I was overwhelmed by a sense of His power and ability to do...anything. And in that moment of seeing God for who He was, I was faced with my own doubt and unbelief. In the face of such a powerful and sovereign God, how can I ever doubt Him? That is one thing that truly grieves my heart and I know it grieves His....that I can still after all He's done and all He's shown Himself to be in my life doubt Him. Lord help me to trust you forever and always with everything no matter what.
I want to start praying for random people. I am reading this book and he talks about how he's seen amazing things happen just from praying with people in public. Waitresses, bartenders, people at the subway station....all coming to know the Lord after a simple question of "how can I pray for you?" I want to be a person who is always ready to prayer no matter where I am, who I'm with, or how I feel. People need God. I know this God that they so desperately need. Why am I holding Him hostage? It's time to pray.
11.14.2009
11.10.2009
I can't stay here!
It's time for some changes in my life. I have this sense that there is bout to be this awesome explosion of God's power and presence and blessing and I don't want to get left behind. I think one of my biggest fears is God moving and me missing it. I want to be where God is. I want to be tuned into exactly what He's doing and I want to be right there in the mix. Why? Becuz I don't want to be where God is not. I don't want to be involved in endeavors that He ain't even ordain. What's the point? I know the feeling of knowing you are in the midst of where God is and I also know the feeling of doing things totally apart from Him. I prefer the former.
And so what does this look like? Well first God has called me to a life of prayer. I am an intercessor not because I think it's cool or it's what I want to do...it's becuase God has placed that on my life. And honestly I have not taken that seriously enough. Yes I pray. And a lot of time I enjoy prayer. Other times it's the last thing I want to do. But this is bigger than that. I want to live and breathe prayer. It's the only way that ANYTHING will happen. It's the only way I will get in touch with the heart of God. It's during prayer that the secret things will be revealed. I want that. I need that. And so do the unbelievers that I come in contact with everyday. What would the HOPE Program look like if it were bathed prayer. What would my life look like if it were saturated in fervent, effective prayer? What would my family, my future, my friends be like if heaven were constantly bombarded with prayers concerning them? I hope to soon find out. This is not a joke anymore. It's not somethign to play around with it. I have to stop talking about how vital prayer is and actually show with my life how vital prayer is. Jesus always lives to make intercession for me. How awesome!? My Savior prays for me....like for real? The very thot makes me giddy. And to think that in the ministry of intercession I get to partner with Him. Oh yes. IT IS ON!
In order to do this, I'm looking forward to radical changes in my life. I have set aside Tuesday nights as me and God time. No meetings, no dinners, no TV, no nothing. Just me and Him...doing whatever needs to be done. This is my 2nd week and I actually get excited about it. Like today as I left work, I had this expectancy about my date with Him. Also Saturday mornings my goal is to return to Saturday morning prayer. Those times were always so sweet and I have been lazy, not wanting to get up and I've been missing it. Also I remember when for a brief stretch of time I was leaving the house early and having my JAM sessions at places near PSS. And I remember what a great time that was....I felt like I was clearly hearing from God and that I really had an appetite for the thigns of God and I felt more calm. And when I stopped I could tell the difference. I need to return to that. Not out of a sense of legalism and checking something off my list, but but out of a sense of desperation...I NEED TIME WITH THE LORD! Simple as that. Also I know God is calling me to more fervent and focused times of prayer concerning my school presentations and concerning the ministry at Reality Center. Nothing will happen apart from Him. Prayer, devling into the Word, more prayer, fasting.....it's time to step up my game son. My rel.ship with God is only as deep and as close as I want it to be. I went to a conference this weekend and the speaker asked this question: "how much of this holy God can I encounter?" That is what I want to find out. It's time for a change.
And this shift will seem totally unrelated BUT it's not. I've had men on the brain. Not unusual for me, but I think one day recently i was thinking about relationships and marraige and men and I almost started to cry. Ugh. The desire is there, but I am slowly (very slowly learning) to throw that desire right back to God and let Him do what He wants with it. I have never been close to a man in a romantic way and I want to know what that is like, but I refuse to let that become my #1 focus. I refuse to let preparation for a husband override preparation for my meeting with Jesus. I can't do it. So yes I want it. I want it bad. But I just have to keep taking that to the Lord and digging deeper into the depths of who He is. My friend told me that the more she digs into the Word, the less she thinks about whole marriage/men/rel.ship thing. She's right. I am taking her advice. Again prayer is very necessary here. Lord, I am trusting you with this part of my life. I truly believe you have something mind-blowing for me with regard to this, but sometimes I doubt. Help my unbelief. Let my desire for you consume me. "I want to be consumed." (shout out to Anthony Evans for the quote)
I consistently find myself thinking about guys (old ones and new ones who come into my life) and wondering if they are the one for me. Is this normal? I totally want to kill these thots and never have them again.
What do you do when you want to dig into the Word, but you don't know what to read or you don't have a particular inclination toward a certain subject or book or passage or person? I've never been one of those just open it up and read the first thing your eye falls on type of people. I've been thinking about just going back to the Gospels. What would be good for me right now Lord?
Okay time for me to get off this thing and enjoy the rest of my time here at B&N without staring at a computer screen. I wonder what the rest of the night holds....
And so what does this look like? Well first God has called me to a life of prayer. I am an intercessor not because I think it's cool or it's what I want to do...it's becuase God has placed that on my life. And honestly I have not taken that seriously enough. Yes I pray. And a lot of time I enjoy prayer. Other times it's the last thing I want to do. But this is bigger than that. I want to live and breathe prayer. It's the only way that ANYTHING will happen. It's the only way I will get in touch with the heart of God. It's during prayer that the secret things will be revealed. I want that. I need that. And so do the unbelievers that I come in contact with everyday. What would the HOPE Program look like if it were bathed prayer. What would my life look like if it were saturated in fervent, effective prayer? What would my family, my future, my friends be like if heaven were constantly bombarded with prayers concerning them? I hope to soon find out. This is not a joke anymore. It's not somethign to play around with it. I have to stop talking about how vital prayer is and actually show with my life how vital prayer is. Jesus always lives to make intercession for me. How awesome!? My Savior prays for me....like for real? The very thot makes me giddy. And to think that in the ministry of intercession I get to partner with Him. Oh yes. IT IS ON!
In order to do this, I'm looking forward to radical changes in my life. I have set aside Tuesday nights as me and God time. No meetings, no dinners, no TV, no nothing. Just me and Him...doing whatever needs to be done. This is my 2nd week and I actually get excited about it. Like today as I left work, I had this expectancy about my date with Him. Also Saturday mornings my goal is to return to Saturday morning prayer. Those times were always so sweet and I have been lazy, not wanting to get up and I've been missing it. Also I remember when for a brief stretch of time I was leaving the house early and having my JAM sessions at places near PSS. And I remember what a great time that was....I felt like I was clearly hearing from God and that I really had an appetite for the thigns of God and I felt more calm. And when I stopped I could tell the difference. I need to return to that. Not out of a sense of legalism and checking something off my list, but but out of a sense of desperation...I NEED TIME WITH THE LORD! Simple as that. Also I know God is calling me to more fervent and focused times of prayer concerning my school presentations and concerning the ministry at Reality Center. Nothing will happen apart from Him. Prayer, devling into the Word, more prayer, fasting.....it's time to step up my game son. My rel.ship with God is only as deep and as close as I want it to be. I went to a conference this weekend and the speaker asked this question: "how much of this holy God can I encounter?" That is what I want to find out. It's time for a change.
And this shift will seem totally unrelated BUT it's not. I've had men on the brain. Not unusual for me, but I think one day recently i was thinking about relationships and marraige and men and I almost started to cry. Ugh. The desire is there, but I am slowly (very slowly learning) to throw that desire right back to God and let Him do what He wants with it. I have never been close to a man in a romantic way and I want to know what that is like, but I refuse to let that become my #1 focus. I refuse to let preparation for a husband override preparation for my meeting with Jesus. I can't do it. So yes I want it. I want it bad. But I just have to keep taking that to the Lord and digging deeper into the depths of who He is. My friend told me that the more she digs into the Word, the less she thinks about whole marriage/men/rel.ship thing. She's right. I am taking her advice. Again prayer is very necessary here. Lord, I am trusting you with this part of my life. I truly believe you have something mind-blowing for me with regard to this, but sometimes I doubt. Help my unbelief. Let my desire for you consume me. "I want to be consumed." (shout out to Anthony Evans for the quote)
I consistently find myself thinking about guys (old ones and new ones who come into my life) and wondering if they are the one for me. Is this normal? I totally want to kill these thots and never have them again.
What do you do when you want to dig into the Word, but you don't know what to read or you don't have a particular inclination toward a certain subject or book or passage or person? I've never been one of those just open it up and read the first thing your eye falls on type of people. I've been thinking about just going back to the Gospels. What would be good for me right now Lord?
Okay time for me to get off this thing and enjoy the rest of my time here at B&N without staring at a computer screen. I wonder what the rest of the night holds....
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