Back to Life. Back to Reality.

Sabbatical is winding down and tomorrow I return to my regularly scheduled life already in progress. I am a little wistful/sad as I think about ending this sweet time with the Lord, but contrary to my fears at the start I don't feel like I missed anything. God met me. And that was the best thing about these last two weeks...yes I received from Him, but more than that I just got to BE with Him. Years from now I will look back at this time as a significant marker in my walk with the Lord.

Don't really feel like recounting everything, but there are some things tumbling around inside me as I look forward to entering what I feel like is a new level in my rel.ship with the Lord and a new stage in my life. Circumstantially things are the same (though I feel like that is soon to change) but I am not the same. I have experienced true rest and desire to reside in that place forever. I am learning daily to lean the full weight of my soul on Him (depending on Him in everything, for everything, with everything), I hunger for Him more than before, I am increasingly more aware of His presence, and I can honestly say that I am content in just being with Him.

My prayer is that God will seal all this up inside me...that it will take root in my soul and not fall away once I get back into things. My prayer is that as I resume regular life, it won't be regular life as I have known it. I don't want life as usual. I want life that is drenched in/full of/overflowing with the presence and Spirit and nearness of God. Life apart from that is well....not even worth it.

Thoughts:
**got some clarity about my identity struggles today. it's not that i don't know who I am. I do. It's that I'm not always content in what I know to be true of myself. I've tried to attack this by reminding myself of all the positive things spoken over me and by trying really hard to like the different traits and qualities God has placed in me. This gets me nowhere. Why? Cuz the focus is still me. I feel secure and at ease in myself when I am constantly gazing upon Him and listening to His words. I find myself in Him. Remember that! Rehearse that! Live that!
**Praying that I will be free in my interactions with men. How can a guy be truly attracted to me and pursue me if I never let any guys see who I really am?
**Currently looking for a piano teacher. Can't wait to get started on this. Also I signed up for the songwriter's summit at church. not sure of the date, but i'm on the list. Before this time away, my creativity was stifled and neglected, but now it is re-emerging in full force. It's amazing what happens when fear is broken off!
**want to get better at articulating my thots and emotions. when i used to write all the time, those things flowed so easily, but now not so much. don't like feeling pent up because I can't express myself fully. Help Lord.