Wow. That is really the only word to describe what happened yesterday as I sat in my car in the parking lot of Githens Middle School. It is something that will remain vividly in my mind until the day I die. Why? Becuz God showed up...and He showed up big. I think of that verse...He will show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is completely His...and yesterday He showed up for me. This is how it went down:
I had just finished presenting to two 8th grade classes of boys. It was a really good time, esp the 1st class cuz they really opened up and asked good questions and expressed their issues and concerns with the whole abstinence thing. It was one of those classes where afterward I'm just floored becuz of how I was able to connect with the kids. Anyway as I went on my lunch break I got the snese that I should call Harold and tell him about my presentations and then tell him that this ministry is something that he would be good at and I would love for him to join me. So I called him and I told him. And he just dissolved into tears right there on the phone and so you know I started crying too. And right there in my car as I talked to my brother, I experienced God's awesome power. He told me about how he's tired of the lifestyle he's living and that God keeps putting men of God in his life. As he talked I kept thinking of those countless prayers that I've prayed and so many others have prayed for him....and I realized that God is answering them. And it's not just a slow trickle either. It's like a deluge of God's power working in my brother's life. As usual, God has astounded me.
It was the first time I've ever experienced something where I felt so strongly the impression of the Holy Spirit to say such a specific thing. And it was amazing cuz I saw what can happen when I obey God's leading IMMEDIATELY!! It was like the words God told me to speak were the words Harold needed to hear and they went straight to his heart. And I remember as I was talking to him the words just came out...I didn't even really think about them. It was just...when I opened my mouth...I automatically knew what to say becuz as the verse says "I opened my mouth and God filled it!!!"
Wow Lord. Really though? I'm in awe.
And then if that weren't enuff, He keeps pouring on the financial blessings. In addition to the extra $200/mo that I now have WITHOUT the addition of a PT job, I just so happen to have an extra $87 this month becuz of a technicality with my car insurance payments. When it happened I just sat on bed and kinda just smiled incredulously thinking, "God you've done it again!"
AAAHHHHHHHH!!!
That is how I feel when I think about the God I serve and the way He keeps blowing my mind. He's sooooo good. And He loves me and He takes care of me and He doesn't hold my sins against me and He's just......wow.
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So there is this guy I know who has been in my life for quite awhile now. But now I'm starting to look at him differently and I'm starting to get a vibe from him that makes me wonder if he's starting to look at me differently too. I've noticed him staring at me as of late in a way that causes my heart to skip just a bit. And there have been a few other things too....his compliments, him being all up in my personal space....and it all makes me a bit nervous. I guess cuz I never thot I would or could be attracted to him. And now....I think I am. And that is freaking me out just a little. And so yeah. I need to bring it before the Lord. Right now it's just a bunch of thoughts tumbling around in my head and that is never a good thing. Also I've been thinking more about sex and sensual stuff and being close to a guy in a physical way. That isn't good for me. But I must be honest and say sometimes I indulge it becuz I feel like I'm so close to being with a man and that as a 24 year old virgin it's impossible not to indulge. It's bad logic I know. Forgive me Lord. Help me stay pure.
This week I had a dream where a lady told me that thinks I am about to be in a relationship. When I asked why, she simply said it was because she felt a certain vibe whenever she's around me. Whatever that means. Oh well. Lord I give it all to you. What else can I do? Help me.....I need it.
